I've been thinking a lot about the feeling of failure. I am both a mentor to four new teachers this year and a close friend to my fellow English teachers who surround me on my hall. In the last few weeks, I feel like I have been offering advice to everyone around me, even though I still feel like a struggling teacher myself. With there only being a few months left in the school year its natural my colleagues are questioning their effectiveness as teachers. I too have been doubting myself after grading my students’ recent essays.
Although I could get 4 hours of sleep, ignore my children and husband, eat microwave meals and never exercise or go outdoors, I would be a lachrymose person (and teacher) if I did so. I attempt to maintain a balance of work and personal life, and on the days that I get belligerent with myself about my students’ lack of progress, I just remember that I am doing what I can. I also like to remind myself of my favorite “Oprahism”- “you have to take care of you before you can take care of others.”
On the days when I wonder if my students heard anything I told them, I like to remember this saying. For although I do not remember Calculus, I remember vividly how my AP Calculus teacher worked with me every day during her prep and/or studyhall duty to give me the extra assistance I needed to score a 5 (a true miracle!). By doing the same for my students, I can at least teach kindness and respect, if not complete mastery of literary analysis and essay writing.
While my students may not have understood what Brutus is saying to Cassius in Julius Caesar when we read it in October, the exposure to tough language and the wrestling with difficult concepts does pay off-even if it took eight months. The more often I forced my kids to carve new pathways for their neurons, the easier it becomes in the long run for students to use those pathways (I know I am a better problem solver because of all the hours I put in on Calculus homework-thanks Mrs. Parker!).
I know you may have heard this tidbit before, but it’s true! I like to think that even when I screwed up in terms of planning, timing, grading, emailing-you name it, I’ve done it- that at least I have had to make a plethora of other decisions that didn’t go too badly. I’m also glad I have a little less pressure than a brain surgeon whose slip of the hand can mean an end to another’s decision-making abilities!
In the end, no matter how miniscule, you are doing many tasks well. When I get discouraged about not helping students analyze nonfiction satisfactorily, not communicating the nuances of AP essay writing sufficiently, or not retaining order in my petulant first period class, I remind myself of my small victories: students are starting to use their vocabulary outside of class, kids who disliked reading at the start of the school year have actually finished a few books, a few confused sophomores finally wrote great paragraphs. I know you have the little moments where you see the glimmers of success for all of your efforts-remember those examples, rather than dismiss them as anomalies.
So to all of my beleaguered colleagues out there in the trenches of testing and end-of-the-year projects, I say to you–rejoice in the small victories, take care of yourself, and revel in the challenges of each new day-you are indeed better than you think!
You are a successful teacher.